Thus Sayeth the Refrigerator Door

Introduction

Written in 1995, but still relevant today
 

Dear friends and parents,

I’m 58 (remember this was 1995), happily married, a father and grandfather. We are a blended family of six children ranging in age from 16 to 27. With that said, I thought I was an experienced husband, father, and parent. But evidently I’m not. And with six kids I thought I knew the facts of life. But I guess I don’t. At least not according to daughters Erin (18) and Laura (16) still at home.

Not wanting to embarrass my family, I’m trying to shape up. One thing I’ve learned is that the “new” facts of life are far different from the “old”. They are probably different from what you learn to. So I made a graph to explain them (see The "New" Facts of Life graph below).

The “new” facts of life are organized into three stages: stage I, stage II, and stage III (very original don’t you think?). And contrary to what you may have been told, the “new” facts of life began after birth, not before.

Stage I: Stage I runs from birth to about age 40. It involves the development of applied knowledge - better known as “smartness”. As you can see, smartness develops at a steady rate during childhood, but with adolescents it takes a giant leap upward. I think it has something to do with hormonal change. Following adolescence the increase in smartness returns to normal as one progresses through young adulthood, marriage, the birth of children, and the first 12 or so years of parenting. Stage I is an interesting and challenging time. It amounts to this:” the older you get, the smarter you get.” Then come stage II.

Stage II: Stage II begins when your kids reach the age of 11 – 13. At that point something triggers a cerebral short circuit, and parental smartness drops like a rock. This is known as the “Dumbness Spiral”. It last seven years or longer. During the spiral all smartness is lost – nothing you do as a parent is right. Although the dumbness spiral is a common occurrence, the cause is unknown. Perhaps you know someone who experienced the spiral. Maybe it was your parents? And speaking of parents, adults that do not have children do not experience the dumbness spiral. I wonder why? Fortunately, just before spiraling to destruction, Stage III comes to the rescue.

Stage III: not much is known about Stage III. One day it just begins, often when your kids reach about age 20, but it may be later. During Stage III the smartness lost during the spiral is slowly regained, and eventually it rises to even higher levels during middle age. Perhaps the best that can be said about the rigors of stage II is, “Thank goodness for stage III”, and” All’s well that ends well”.

My daughters are showing me that life is one adventure after another and the greatest adventure is surviving the dumbness spiral. The challenge is, “How do you do it?”  The answer? Very carefully. You take one step at a time – walk by faith, pour out unconditional love, and have long, long talks with God. And then there’s the refrigerator door. Yes, the refrigerator door.

The refrigerator door can be a significant means of communication during the dumbness spiral. How, you ask? Through cartoons, quotes and other bits of information that offer wisdom and knowledge when perhaps parents can’t. And that’s important. Of course the refrigerator door isn’t the only means of communication but remember, your kids aren’t likely to talk with you when you’re spiraling out of control. And they probably won’t accept your advice either. So when you can’t speak to your kids, perhaps you refrigerator door can.

Suggestions for using Thus Sayeth the Refrigerator Door

Thus Sayeth the Refrigerator Door is based on a simple concept:

         1.   Select a picture or illustration – a value, a character quality or a concept from the collection provided.

         2.     Place the picture or illustration somewhere in your home where it will be readily seen such as on the refrigerator door, on a mirror, on a table, and the like.

         3.      And if you’re bold, you can even select a picture or illustration and talk about it at mealtime.

Once a cartoon, illustration, or quotation has been posted about your home, the fun can begin.

If someone makes a comment or asks a question, respond in a positive way. Use the comment or question to open the door to discuss the principle, quality, or value. I suggest that you don’t preach to your kids.  Ask lots of questions.  Offer suggestions for possible applications to daily living as well as ask for reasoning and common sense. When you feel the time is right, change the picture. If nothing is said about an item, don’t worry. There may be no response on the “outside”, but something may be happening on the “inside”. Just keep changing the pictures and let God do the rest. It’s that simple. And remember, there may always be the opportunity to talk about a picture at mealtime or family time.

As you prepare to use Thus Sayeth the Refrigerator Door remember to nurture values, character qualities, and principles. Here are some suggestions for getting things going:

     1.      Make sure you have a sense of humor. If you don’t have one get one. This concept and activity should be fun.

     2.     Maintain a positive attitude. Work to build bridges not burn them.

     3.     Love unconditionally: your kids, your spouse, your friends, your neighbors, your extended family, and your coworkers.

     4.     Be patient. Plant seeds, then let God water them.

     5.     Go for the long haul, not the short run. Use pictures and comments sparingly, perhaps one or two a week.

     6.     Encourage family communication and sharing.

     7.     And finally, pray, pray, pray.

For pictures, illustrations and the like, Click here